Release

17 08 2012

“I feel like I’m playing chess without knowing the rules.”

“If you can’t help, don’t hurt.”

Release

I made a promise to You, that I would do my best to fulfill the request
that I keep my heart open, burning brightly and shining,
to share of myself through that which has been called my greatest Gift.
In the attempt to do so, I experienced the ecstacy of great passion
which burned like an indiscriminate wildfire, nearly destroying everything
including my misguided, well-meaning heart itself.

My rightful husband is the Knight, having followed me through
worlds and lives, and given his life and Service to You over and over,
for my sake, even though I couldn’t remember the question had ever been asked
and was so very dazzled by Your wildfire that I could barely see
anyone or anything outside of its raging, writhing inferno.

I have made the promise to You that I would do my part not to allow
this world to be any less full of love and light than it was when You found me in it.
I have finally seen how to trust my own heart, how to separate him from You, the
One who was so dazzled by the purity in my heart and burned so hotly for me
in return, that I nearly threw myself and my Knight into the fire
without even seeing the consequences.

I have made my mistakes, but I seek to make no more great errors
now that I have been awakened from the long, dark journey — it is time
to share my heart where and with whom Bride and I please, now that the tethers
have been severed which have so long held me captive.
I have loved You for many lives, and a small piece of my heart will always burn for You.
But my place is no longer in Your arms; nor is Yours in mine.

I am told that I have held Her bowl long enough, that it is not my Duty.
She comes to hold me and helps Bride heal the cracks and blisters of my heart
while my Knight watches guard,  brave, vigilant, heroic and selfless.
I will serve as Her friend and devoted though I can no longer be Yours.
I will bring the beach to Your Sons, or Them to the beach, whenever possible.
And someday, when the smoke has cleared, I will sing for You again, from afar.

I’ve lived in Your fire, basked and roasted in the Chaos where my Peace
simply could not bloom.
He and I could not make a true home as long as we resided there.
It is time to move from the Road of Madness, on to that of the Heart.
I release You, Loki, Flamehair, Lover, Mentor, Wildfire, Co-Conspirator.
Please do the same for me so that we may part, glad of the experience,
of Wisdom gained and shared memory, bittersweet though it may be.

In balance now, may the ghost of Your flame within me
help my Heart, my Gift, burn just a little bit brighter.








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