Hitting Close to Home

16 07 2012

I just stumbled across a post on someone else’s blog about a situation that they believe happened with Loki, the description of which is eerily similar to some of the attacks that AJ and I were subjected to over the winter. I know that they probably wouldn’t care even if I knew how to get in touch with them, because they are hurting and not particularly keen on Loki or His folk at the moment, but I wish I could at least offer them support. Regardless of whether Loki had anything to do with this person’s attack experiences or not, I know what it’s like to think that what they’ve described is happening and, as a result, to have it doubted that you’ve actually experienced what you know to be your reality, not to mention being ostracized, to a degree, as a result of speaking out about that kind of experience.

I wish I could tell this person directly that I believe that what they’ve experienced really happened to them, and let them know that I get it, the maelstrom of raw, difficult emotion — pain, fear, anger, confusion and much worse — regardless of whether they’re interested in hearing anything else about what I’ve known I experienced, or what I thought was happening at the time vs what I later discovered. So often, especially when people express unpopular opinions or experiences — or those that others don’t understand — people jump to judging and presuming without truly even attempting to understand first, or trying to keep an open mind. I certainly know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that in many ways, dealing with a vast array of people from multiple communities, and I’m well aware of how lonely and frustrating it can be to have your reality consistently dismissed, at best. My heart goes out to them; I hope they’re well on their way to finding peace, if they haven’t already.

Meeting someone who has been wounded where they are, in order to offer them compassion (and understanding, particularly in a situation where it comes so easily) is the least that I can do, if I want to help others —  and I certainly do. I don’t even have to know whether I agree with their assessment of their own situation; it’s irrelevant. It doesn’t cause me any harm or pain to care about the fact that someone else is hurting. When this happens, but my hands are tied and there is nothing I can do to help, despite caring deeply, despite being able to relate and feeling the echo of a similar wound, that is what pains me.



22 02 2012

Agape (Greek, noun): Love, especially that which is spiritual and selfless in nature.

The journey that I am just beginning revolves around love. There is eros mixed in, and ecstasy in various forms, but the very center is nothing but agape, which is swirled, knitted and entwined throughout my spiritual path, the particular flavor of spiritual and religious practice that has always been prominent in my bloodline and personal wyrd and the devotion attached to the love that I have always freely given, whether to the important people in my life or the Deities that have been such a huge part of it.

While I have not been aware of the importance of my ancestry or the fact that my destiny affects far more spirits than my own for a very long time, those facts have informed and shaped my life in more ways than I can try to count. My path has been a difficult one because I have lacked teachers from this world, and been unable to hear or see those walking with me in other realms. I was never taught how to hear my Ancestors. I was never shown how to unlock and coax open my gifts or how to use them properly.

Now that I am aware of my role, my calling and the true direction that my wyrd has been tugging me in all along, I know that my life will never be the same again. It has meaning now, an importance beyond my wellbeing or that of those to whom I give my love. And that is deeply entwined with my conscious decision to separate myself from negative, harmful influence. I am on a fast track to finding peace, true happiness and fulfillment now that I have begun to take this step.

This project, for me, is about my path in life. And right now, a huge part of that is knowing that I do not want to be a person afflicted by negativity in any form. Agape has no room for being afraid all the time. I want a life full of agape, flowing to and from myself and those that I care about and will help on my journey through this life. And I know now that this desire is destined to be a reality. I am no longer afraid of what it means for me to be on a shamanic path. I welcome the journey with open arms and a heart full of agape.

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